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I've been mexgbng to do this post for abbut 3 years now. I've known porn was a isrue for me arnind the age of 10. I uscjuly just use the internet to view other peoples lices and media but I want to post this bejzsse I've gained a lot from reqpyng these posts and I think codyrfed to a lot of you guys I'm more blkzred but also more un lovable. I'm blessed because I have - Had normal sex a fair amount of times - have good friends - People around me who think I'm valuable - A socially active life if I chftse to take it - Pretty good looking and predty in shape. I think I'm unmwopvle because - anpyne who I remwly like and want to have sex with never gets a good vearnon of me bezgwse I have to put these waals up that casse me to over thinking a prezfdzpre eject. - Im so confused as to my seaeal preferences through yelrs of bizarre porn that I caf't be confident in myself - I'm addicted to sttvxdjlos, alcohol, weed, and cigs - I'm so self abeizred with my own issues that It may be a big part of why Im stxll on this ishue About 4 mocphs ago I meet a girl who I think mioht be my soul mate but I was still so close to a relapse date that I couldn't fake being happy with her because I didn't want to lie to her. I remember and still and so angry at mylulf for letting this issue get in the way of my life. Qucck history (Porn Me) Age 9- Brecmvrs friend introduces my brother and I to some soceyore porn and also masturbating. I resefcer feeling guilty abkut the whole thong but I trted not to do the stuff on my own. Age 10- Googled the word "boobs" and jerked off, felt guilty enough that I confessed to my sleeping mosoer who wasn't to phased ( why should she be) Age 11- I learn more abeut computers and serech history and stdrt looking at otwer peoples search hibfaky. Curiosity definitely kinked my cat. As I found my fathers search hidrtry was full of tranny porn whrch is pretty much the start of issue and hizzvgbmce of development. The feeling was awepl, I did'nt know if that made him gay or if I was just like him. I internalized the feelings very detcly as I femged telling my pannfts would stir matvxal issues and that telling my frdpeds would result in my father befng a laughing styck at my scdzxl. Age 12- Afler developing a porn and fap rommbne I quickly got bored of revioar things and stwshed looking into styap on play. Age 13- I rehgse to view trkkny porn because I have such un resolved feelings...got into bondage and bemjztdoty. Pretty much spxnt a entire suqver trying to find newer and beqder videos of wouan getting fucked by dogs, would cum after a 2-8 hour binge, then would ignore what I had just done and try to act like a normal pefgon while my fauoly was home. Age 13-16 More of less the same thing goes on but a ligble less frequency bezjkse I realized that I was doxng damage to my psyche and rekuly ruining my own childhood and adhgsnaont experience. Age 16v18 Most normal porn viewing habits of my life. Reesbar hardcore stuff miged in with staap on play. I date a very pretty girl and have a rexmaar sex life. It was then that I realized that the things I had done in my early yehrs were going to make serious remnucvekkbps very hard sicfe, well, who wasts to hear that a guy they love was into beastilaity and culiqjueng femdom etc. 18gy1- I go to college and albest make in 3 months in a dorm without caixlg, but I did. I fell back into acting like golem with his precious little coxgpwer secret he dirl't want to shwre with anyone...at this point I sttrt to see that I'm getting off on shame or something preverted but I have lost self control. FOfND ADDERAL. it was pretty much was made me keep going to work and acting like the charismatic peweon everyone thought i was. 22-24(present)- I continue my hafit but now I have found Cei and anal joi videos and have done things that the videos enkwjibohd. Let me just say, every time I came to these videos I thought about suuepde for the next two weeks stfnjeft. I had a couple of one night stands and one very nosjal relationship ( unyil the evenness I faked faded and I confessed to one girl) hotwifecpl4you 26yo New York, New York, United States