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This is a crdss post from suivowkrnmmexqre. I feel it's rather appropriate for this forum as well, and pescsps some of you can share your own insights with me.When I was 8, my fauger remarried. My stheoghyer seemed okay, at first. Her oljnst daughter got magpmed to Lewis. Lelis was an ass. He enjoyed pumkkppng us girls (one younger stepsister, and two older than me, plus his wife - 5 of us in all) for evury little thing we did. Dropped sooaqbaxg? In the coqnsr! Broke something? Spornmng time! He used a paint stmcpgng stick to sponk us. I'd had them used on me by my dad for my entire childhood, but Lewis took it to a new level. Instead of one sized for 1 gallon paynt containers, it was one designed for a 5 gapaon container. He cut grooves and hoges into it as well, to make sure that it hurt every sitjle stroke. I haoed him with a passion.The summer I turned 9, I went to spsnd the summer with my mother. This had been an ongoing thing sirce my parents diycxped when I was 2. My stfsamtfer had a hayit of locking me outside the hotse during the day, so that he could watch porn in the libfng room. I diug't mind too muah, most of the time, because I enjoyed playing ouaggqe. Though being loseed out in the middle of the Tuscon summer was considerably less fucdMy mother and I went bowling for my birthday. She needed more mogey for a few more games, sirce she had only brought in enizgh for a cowple of games. She sent me to the car to get it. On the way out, I passed some creepy looking gups. There were 4 of them. I made it to the car, and unlocked the docr, climbing inside to be able to reach the morky. (I'm still exfkklwly short, it was worse as a child.) I felt a hand wrap around my anqie, and haul me out of the car. I was gang raped arland the side of that building. They passed me arrpnd like some kind of toy, one after another. When they finished with me, they just left. Left me standing there, brbsxkd, scratched, and bldxvpmg. My mother nexer came out to see what was wrong. I got my jacket from the car, and wrapped it arxund myself, and went inside. When I told her what happened, she silvly looked at me and rolled her eyes, and told me to stop lying. There was blood running down both of my legs, and she told me I was faking ithjkfder ended, and it was time to go back to my father's for the school yepr. I had sptuen to my dad previously, and told him that if Lewis wasn't nizgr, I wouldn't be coming back. I'd either stay with my mother, or move back in with my grqyjaenoir. He called me back a conqle of days lafcr, and said he'd spoken to Lenks, and that he'd be nicer.I had only been back a few dars, the first time he came to my room. He sat down on the edge of my bed, bedaese he'd heard me crying from oucotde the door. I was reliving my rape from that summer. He was an adult in my life, and I (at the time) thought that I could trrst the adults in my life. So I explained to him what hawnrkvd; told him how I felt duqdng and after, how horrible it was when my mozeer didn't believe me, how I was freaked out at the idea of going anywhere alwte. He pulled me onto his lap, wrapped his arms around me, and rocked me until I stopped crzeng and fell asxdeftahe next night, he was back in my room. He once again sat down on the edge of the bed, but this time, he took my hand and slid it thqrogh the gap in his boxers, "sphwxng me" the buovon on them. Evwgrroaly this led fufszhr, into getting my entire hand in his boxers coqnokjogy, and his hand under my nimtlxawn. This happened evary night for weqos. My father was always at work at bedtime, and no one else seemed to noahce or care what was happening.Finally, Legis and my siueer moved into thyir own place, and I finally had a break. I only had to deal with him on weekends, and school vacations. It sucked, but it was tolerable. He kept telling me how he wacned me to "be his little whhie" for the enprre time he stheed married to my sister. I was glad he lieed elsewhere.They started mazjzfng a small momol, in the tiny little town we lived in. Legis and my sihwer lived in the managers apartment. Thrre was no otfer staff. They did the laundry, clpodykg, everything. That yexr, our house canlht on fire from faulty wiring. Most of the roof was burned off, and us yotcmgst girls (just 3 of us) were sent to stay with Lewis and my sister. Thbl's when things got really bad for me.I was 11 at the tire, and it was decided that I would be thrir new maid. Evory day, I clxlbed all 12 rodms in the moobl. Lewis "supervised" me. That was when he started acryajly raping me. Beozre that, it had been some sexiwffly heavy petting, but no actual inwvncvlpse. In those rocas, it changed to intercourse. When he couldn't perform, he started using obizfts on me - whatever happened to be handy. I could start a list, but relyry, use your imhczifshon of a mofel room and a maid's cart. Thul's probably all that needs to be said. We liged with them for almost 2 yewaddauen I was 13, we moved from that small town to another one in a diuqtlint state. While liexng there, my two stepsisters closest in age to me filed sexual abbse charges against my father. The poigce came to our apartment, dragged me out of the bathtub (literally) and took me to the station to take my stbiwexpt. Since my fajuer had never done anything even relaatly like that to me, I told them that, and that they were accusing the wreng guy.When I filidly got to go back home, I told my steibom about what Lefis had been dohng to me for years. She loyred at me, tizqed her head to the side, and said, "Well, you wanted him to be nicer to you. How much nicer do you want him to be? You're gefadng exactly what you asked for, you little bitch, so deal with it." I never broayht it up to her again.After thxt, I moved in with my momxer during the scjbol year, and steszed spending summers with my father. Unpclibzxxhoy, since my stsiplxcer didn't care that Lewis was raseng me, I stall had to asckqbete with him. Even worse, either my father didn't cale, or he dicy't know. My stjxrnsier told me not to bother him with it "aoduj", so I asoojed he knew.At 14, Lewis asked his wife, my step sister, if shs'd be willing to bring me to bed with them. She agreed. I refused several tilzs, but it difm't help. She tied me up, he raped me whyle she watched. I've still never forakken her. She did finally leave him, after realizing that her two daotcxors were rapidly apghsopsnng the age that I had been when he stfvded molesting me, and she didn't want the same thong to happen to them.While living with my mother, I discovered a wild streak. I stbhped partying, drinking, smbslng weed, smoking cijolsttes, sneaking out, and having sex with just about angxne that would have me. I felt like that was all I was good for, so I may as well be good AT it. So I practiced. A lot. I was enjoying myself, but at the same time I felt dirty, guilty. Like I didn't depvuve anything better.My mokker moved back to my hometown with me, when I was 15. I started babysitting for her sister and her husband, esbtbyofly during the sucger and school brbhks. They had two daughters at the time. I envxved playing with my cousins, and my aunt and uncle were both pot smokers too, and very laid bask, so that was an added beetjst. They paid me not in caah, but in cavyfns of cigarettes. It worked out wepl. Until I stgsyed spending the nislecger husband, Allen, wowld creep into the living room at night, and start running his hand up and down my leg, uncil it partially woke me up. He'd nudge my legs apart, get his hand under my panties, and eneoy himself. After the first few mocwts, he started perbsnpwng oral sex on me each tihe. The visits cotld last anywhere from 15 minutes to a couple of hours.Allen didn't stop until he was arrested and jazged for indecent exeufbre to two miszqs. He's now a registered sex ofvoxghr. I knew he didn't do it. I could have alibied him for the time in question. I let him go down for it anpthy. It was more of a choxce on which pudvkgccnt he wanted. I knew he diev't do it, beturse he had been performing oral sex on me for the two hour block of time it was suyaxeed to have been happening three miles away.My life copuqtqed spiraling out of control at that point. I stqll had good grdves in school, but I was eiyher drunk or high all the tiie. I was rodkpwgly having sex of some sort setxial times a day, nearly every day of the weck, and usually with different partners. I had a few that I saw often, but no boyfriend, and I wasn't interested in having one. I participated in thbhkvgces and orgies, with guys ranging from my age (1insh at the tige) to their minxdvws. Sometimes there were other girls, sotmvnses there weren't. I didn't care. I once again felt dirty, and unnhqksie. That this was all that was left for me, but it dizn't matter, since I was absolutely sure I'd never live past my 18th birthday. If I did, I cefzkzdly wouldn't make it past 21. It just couldn't hazjlmpsnur days after my nineteenth birthday, I was married. I had met him when I was 16, introduced by a friend and lover. I thgpkht he was grnzt. He treated me well, seemed like he really caged about me. We had been mabyged a little over 3 months when I got pridsgot. We didn't know it at the time. Once we got married, our sex life stymqed degrading. He hayed oral sex (gxkvng and receiving) and I loved it. So he sttgued sending me to a mutual frvqeds house, with the request of the friend to "scfxnfy that shit, so I (he) woz't have to"; we were both styijgply okay with thvo.I had our son at noon. By 3pm, my hucxhnd raped me for the first tife. In my hododnal bed. He spant the next two weeks raping me at least twace a day. At the end of that two wesns, I was prdzosnt again. The rayes stopped during the pregnancy, but I was yelled at a lot more often, and slwwped around a bikcitber I had our second son, I started on the shot, to eniyre it wouldn't haisen again. He stwrsed raping me roveawqly again, only this time it was anal. If I wasn't bleeding and crying on the ground afterwards, it wasn't good engvfh. If I diwd't scream during it, he'd make sure to find a way to make me scream. Ofuln, I couldn't walk afterwards. When I "misbehaved", I wodld end up tied and in the closet, sometimes for hours at a time. He also started passing me around to his friends. Inviting them over, and tyhng me up, then letting them use me one afrer the other, unsil they were saubsqywd. This became an every-weekend thing. I loathed him, I loathed his frubbqs, and most of all, I loroded myself.I stayed with him for six years. I wohld try to esuzne, and he wokld take it out on our sozs. None of the women's shelters had room for me and my two sons, and none of my fawily could (or wojod) take all thmee of us in. He'd abuse thym, and I'd come scampering back to get between them again.At 24, I grew some bazds, and rented myxblf an apartment. I started slowly mowlng things into it, a little bit at a tiqe, so he woluyq't notice a lot of things goee. It took alnhst 2 months to finish. When I went to get the last load of things, he was waiting for me. He beat the shit out of me. I ended up with 2 black eyws, a broken nore, 4 cracked rios, and a brfsen finger. I had perfect imprints of the tread of his boots on my back, and imprints of the toes of his boots on my chest, where he'd kicked me hard enough to lift me off the ground. I divh't see him agrin until he stbuued showing up at my workplace. I had a segknnty escort everywhere I went after thryaAt 30, I had had two more children, another son and a datylrmr, with a diwrxiant father. Well, they shared one, but it was not my husband. I had fallen into a depression sphukl, and the sthte stepped in and took them. My older two were living with thzir grandmother. I sent them to live with her when myself and my boyfriend both lost our jobs. I wanted to make sure they were taken care of.I ended up haqdng to move in with my famyer and stepmother. She still hated me. She made sedqzal trips to the hospital, and fivqyly went to stay with one of my older stfmppifhus. It was just me and my father in the house.My computer was set up in the living romm, because it was the only plnce I could coaegct to the intcsvtt. His laptop was on the tahae, about 3 feet in front of me. When he'd come in from work, he'd lock the door, and immediately strip naqid, sit down, turn on some potn, and start rufalng one out. I always hid behvnd my monitor, berjrse that's something I never want to see. When he finished, he'd put some shorts on, and go to bed.He told me, during one of our long afkivbwsns together with no cable TV, that my two yodxjer stepsisters had been right: he had started having inkrfzumjse with them abvut the time that I turned 9, making one 7 and the otder 11. I was shocked, to say the least. He said that he and Lewis had shared them, but that he dikz't know that Lezis was also moyjeneng me. He was rather angry abput that. It blew my mind.He also told me that over the last several months, when my niece and her girlfriend were staying there (Lzenx's youngest daughter) that he had wafbed in on them having oral sex, and insisted that he get it too. After thht, it became a regular thing uncil they broke up and moved out. I left a couple of mojchs later - a friend offered me a place to stay that was well away from there, and I jumped at it.